It can be really hard to be happy. Sometimes shit happens. What about when something really bad happens, and you don’t want to laugh about it and tell yourself it doesn’t matter? What do you do when the sadness is justified? Am I supposed to just sit here feeling unhappy? Do I do what I do when I’m feeling generally grumpy, and read a book? Do I dance around my room to Taylor Swift, like I do when I’m feeling lethargic and bored? Do I sit on my bed and practice playing my guitar as if I was just avoiding going to bed? It’s hard to be sure where to put oneself or what to do with this kind of sadness. And it’s confusing, because on occasion there’s reason for a resolution to be broken, and then one feels bad as if one shouldn’t be breaking it, even though it’s ok.
And then you have to deal with the pain of the misery itself, which is consuming; not the ‘haven’t-done-my-coursework-grounded-bored-out-of-my-mind-had-a-shit-day-and-feeling-like-being-a-bit-of-a-drama-queen’ kind of misery, the proper ‘something-bad-has-happened-and-now-I-want-to-cry’ kind of misery – the kind of misery when you curl up in a ball and eat a metric tonne of chocolate ice cream. The reason I try to be happy is because I don’t want to be sad. That’s the whole point. But what about when you are sad, and there’s nothing you can do about it?