Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Nothing going on here

Someone pointed out to me that my Twitter links directly to this beast which hasn’t been updated for a solid twelvemonth, so I’m going to sort that out. I considered various options for how to do this, including paying a ghost-writer to bang out a post for me as well as just deleting the goddamned thing, but actually doing this seems to be a sensible form of procrastination from my dissertation, which for some unfathomable reason has not written itself yet.

First, as usual, here’s a quick explanation as to why I haven’t been writing my blog. To be honest, I haven’t been writing anything. I haven’t been a very happy bunny for the last year or so and I’ve barely been meeting work deadlines, let alone updating a blog that no one bloody reads anyway (if you are reading, though, cheers – my semi-efforts are not in vain). I’m going to try and do more of everything over the next few months, including working, writing, exercise, and student radio, in which I am trained but uninvolved. I’m not setting New Year’s resolutions. When I inevitably break them I’ll grow despondent and stop trying. I’m just going to accept any external engagement or reflection as a success and be done with it.

I considered telling my life story in this post but I don’t really have the energy right now and anyway it’s probably not that interesting for anyone apart from me and my therapist. I suppose I’ll write it all down at some point so if you do want to hear about misogynistic bullying, drug abuse, self-harm and lonely meaningless sex, stay tuned.

But on a lighter note, and considering that no one is going to read this, I thought that today I’d focus on my true love, cheese. I’ve written a poem.

Ode to Cheese

My darling is fair,
Pale gold like sunlight glinting off flaxen hair
Skin creamy like milk
As smooth as purest silk
Her breath at once pungent and sweet,
Her figure tidy and neat.
Behold! How my archaic English degree
Has managed to subtly influence me

Into declaring my love through antiquated, patriarchal stereotypes.