Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Loneliness and being unhappy

Right now I'm missing someone. Like seriously, badly, achingly lying-in-bed-full-on-crying-because-I-can't-stop-thinking-about-it missing someone. To be honest I actually feel weird that I can formulate sentences to explain it because I don't feel like I'm thinking in straight lines. But I don't really know what to do and I'm more unhappy than I have been for a long, long time.

To be fair, it is the middle of the night and I am massively overtired. But even my usual happy thoughts (country gardens, libraries, London early in the morning, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) aren't really enough right now because my brain won't let me distract myself. The missingsomeoneness is all-consuming and violent and miserable.

I think I should just turn out the light and wait to fall asleep and accept that I'm going to feel bloody lonely all night. There's not really much else I can do, apart from wake up my mum to cry on her shoulder and I think that's a terrible idea because it's three in the morning. I wonder if there's a site on which I can chat to other people who are lonely and can't talk to the person they're missing. That should definitely be a thing.

Monday, 23 September 2013

George The Poet

 Hello, internet. It’s been a while. Year 13 was tough but I’ve done my A levels and am off to university in two weeks. (Yes, I know I’m not mature enough. No, I won’t forget to do my own laundry.)

The thing that inspired me to write today – apart from reading a message from one of my favourite childhood writers, Caroline Lawrence, that she sent over a year ago to tell me she’d read some of this blog – was the fact that on 25th October I will be going to see a George The Poet performance in Cambridge. George The Poet is a spoken word artist from North-West London, where I also live. He went to Queen Elizabeth School in Barnet, where my brother goes, and then to the University of Cambridge to study Politics, Psychology and Sociology.

I think he really is one of my literary idols for a few reasons: firstly, because he uses his poetry to convey real ideas and opinions which many artists do completely fail to achieve; secondly, because his use of language and rhythm and dialect is innovative, gritty and engaging, and manages to portray personality and emotion together whilst maintaining an air that is somehow aloof and cold; and finally, because I am completely obsessed with the spoken-word genre. There is something very inspiring to me about being able to perform one’s own writing. It engages in a different, more experiential way than reading does. That’s not to say that I love it more than reading – but watching a spoken-word performance is often just as intense.

As much as I’d love to go into detail about his philosophies and experience growing up (because most articles online imply that it wasn’t easy), I don’t think I really understand him enough for that. To be honest I just wanted to spread the word about him and show off that I’m going to see him perform. Watch this space: I think, if I have the nerve, that I’ll try to have a chat with him, and he’ll probably be too busy but it would be great to ask questions et cetera. Otherwise I’ll just write a review and tell you how spectacular he was in the flesh.

Here’s a pretty good interview that he did with the Observer in February, which explains more than I can about his educational manifesto:

And here's my favourite of his beat poems. It's about London and I feel that I understand it.